Today is a day of painful memories. I am not usually big on blogging about the negatives in life ... I enjoy recording the GOOD memories. But this seems to be coming up everywhere today, and is heavy on my mind.
A baby in our area drowned last night.
Several other headlines of toddlers nearly drowning have popped up.
Then I ran across this blog post by Jordan Page on Pinterest today.
Mary almost drowned last year. I don't talk about it much, because the knotted panic in my stomach and the uncontrollable tears still grip me freshly and easily whenever it comes to mind.
It happens so fast. I appreciate the message Ms. Page gave in her post -- about being PRESENT, not just AROUND. But I WAS playing with my baby girl, and I still almost lost her. It happens so fast. I wasn't too worried about her, she was absolutely terrified of the water and no amount of bribing would get her near it. I turned my back for a minute -- just one little minute!! I never heard a splash. I never heard a scream, or crying, or gasping for air. I just turned, and there she was floating face down, lifeless. I'll never forget how her long blond hair floated around her, almost angelic.
It is interesting that I had read this article only a few weeks before: Drowning Doesn't Look Like Drowning. It's the same article that Ms. Page found and linked to. And it's so true. There is something eerily calm and peaceful about it, not the struggling for life you would expect to see.
The time it took for me to get to her seemed endless, as if time had stopped. Yet I barely remember it. I just remember the endless, hopeless panic of not getting there fast enough. Of losing her.
I pulled her out, limp, and clutched her close in horror. Thank God she started sputtering and breathing. Thank God.
Some of us were blessed in that our little one was allowed to live. Others are not, and will live the rest of their lives with an empty, unquenchable hole in their hearts. I came too close to that life, and it absolutely terrified me.
Hold your babies close tonight.